Friday, October 19, 2012

Due Date -- 3 Weeks Post Partum

I am a real person; not just a girl behind a keyboard. I'm about to show you how real I can get.

What does a girl do when she needs a confidence boost? Buy herself flowers! At least this girl does.

I went and bought some winter plants for the front yard. I like it.

Old plants that were a disappointment in the flowering department.

New Plants

Doesn't really boost the confidence, but it did make me happy. Plus, I edged my parents' yard, my yard and my neighbor's overgrown and ugly yard! Gave me an accomplished feeling.

But backing up in the day, first thing I did to cheer up was take a shower. I got the hint after a fly wouldn't leave me alone! Haha. Momma's need showers too!

I then gave myself a haircut. I go to a salon about once a year and cut it myself the rest of the time. To me, I can never tell the difference. My hair is just crappy. Even going to a professional, it still does its wavy thing and looks awful from behind. I have accepted I don't have perfect hair. A cowlick on my forehead doesn't allow me to have a pretty part or side-swept bangs and the wavy strands of hair are so inconsistent. I can't wear it straight or curly. That's why I wear a ponytail all the time. But not even my ponytails are cute like some can be. But a haircut was improvement and made me feel better.

People warn you about post-partum depression, but they don't warn you of the "funk." Depression can paralyze some women from taking care of their newborns. I feel for these women. If I knew someone battling it, I would definitely offer to help her in any way I could. Oh, and there are night sweats too! After having a baby, your body is adjusting SLOWLY and the hormones are leveling back out. With Little JCrew, I got into a funk at about two weeks. I was so worried I wasn't giving him enough milk. He would cry and then I would cry. I felt so bad for him. Then I'd get mad for crying because the tears were using all the water I had been chugging to make milk. Oi'.

I haven't had that cry yet with Baby B. He seems just fine and is getting enough. Plus, I think I'm too exhausted to cry.

Baby B outside the belly on his due date.

I am lucky that my body bounces back quickly after baby. Being 30 and having my second baby, I thought things would be much slower, but I think it was faster this time. My stomach was flat in three days. BUT, my body is not at its normal state yet. Things are wider and out of place. My stomach muscles are slowly tightening back up. I remember those were the last to come back after Little JCrew. I went to a Pure Barre exercise class and that told me how out of shape I was. My thighs were killing me and my abs are still sore from their first workout in ten months!

I have recently never cared about image. As a teenager I did, but as an adult, my attitude changed. I don't look in the mirror before I leave the house. People see the real me without make-up and in my plain clothes. It's fun to dress up and look nice, but it's more work than I want to do. I wish a had perfect skin that didn't need to be even'd out with foundation or concealer. But it's who I am.

This funk has me caring about my appearance. I don't want to care! Yes, I want my husband to find me attractive. And I want to feel like I belong to my beautiful children. Honestly, I have taken it personally when people say the boys look like my handsome hubby. They don't see how a beautiful baby comes from the run-down looking momma. I think the boys have some of my features, but I hear crickets when I tell people those things. They don't see it. The "funk" gives me these thoughts. I want to go back to not caring!

After having a baby and going through all the changes, new moms need some reassurance. It's hard to feel confident. Black circles under the eyes are real attractive! We don't look like we once did in our golden college years.

I am sooo thankful for my children and I know they don't look at me and say I'm not pretty. Little JCrew gives me the biggest kisses every day!

See, I am human. It's easy to write about how well things are going, but I don't want to create a false image. My kids and I are healthy. We have a roof over our head, clean water and food on the table. I am definitely thankful!

But can I please ask for the bags under my eyes to go away?! :)

- Lindsay

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