50 Years

Today would have been my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.

I think they are the cutest couple there ever was. They loved each other. I always said it was the perfect marriage.

My dad was a gentleman. I never saw my parents fight. I know they would stay up after the kids went to bed and talked things out, but they were a strong unit.

I have a hard time thinking about my mom's feelings today. I love Mr. JCrew so much and couldn't imagine life without him. Thinking about the day we married and how it was one of the happiest days to have found my soulmate and me united as one!

Our ACTUAL wedding photo - no dress needed.

Hopefully, I can keep us busy today so that we don't hurt so much. I don't want to NOT think about Dad, because I think of him everyday. But if I can lessen the hurt that is felt, I'd like to.

Today, Little JCrew gets to take a special birthday snack to school. I packed rice krispie treats. The teacher begged for no cupcakes. I'm glad she said something, because that was the first idea I had.

This morning we are meeting with our builder. We finally received our spec sheets that tells us how much money everything will costs. We're over budget, but the builder has some solutions he wants to go over with us.Have you ever heard of a builder that came in under budget??

Mr. JCrew has an afternoon class at school (might I mention this is his last semester!!!) and then we are headed to see his family. Little JCrew's 3rd birthday is on Sunday and we're keeping it simple with the birthday celebration. Last year was big and I declared no birthday would ever be that big again. It was fun, but I enjoy the time with family. That's how I remember birthday's growing up. Little does the family know, they will be dressing up for this party!!

Today will be a packed day, and with all that is going on, I'm pretty sure that's why I am up early. Continue to think of us today; my mom especially.

A Wreath for Wayne

The title is a tongue twister!

Wayne is a co-worker of mine. His gate has a shuffle to it and he keeps to himself. Every time I see him in the hall, he smiles warmly and we exchange greetings. I try to say a little more than the usual and he will talk if you get him going. Yet, through all our exchanges, I have never asked his name. I never knew until Wednesday. He went by, Wayne.

When my dad was getting sicker, I looked at Wayne envisioning my dad. They were both ill, but they hid it from us. They didn't want us to know about their suffering. My smiles to him became warmer as he reminded me of my dad.

When my dad passed away, seeing Wayne in the hallway at work made my heart hurt. I'd fake a smile just to get past him before the tears came. After a few weeks, I was able to talk to Wayne again.

This Monday and Tuesday, we had severe weather in the area and did not go into work at all Tuesday. When we returned to work Wednesday, we were hit with horrible news. Wayne passed away. However, not knowing his name, I did not know that this was the man that reminded me of my dad. But the ache grew inside my heart knowing it was him. I hadn't seen him all day. I asked around for someone to give me a description of Wayne. Finally, someone did and I dreaded the answer. "He had a shuffle to his walk." That was him! I cried at my desk. Tears just flowed.

I now have Wayne to take care of my dad in Heaven. I know they will get along and have a lot of stories to share.

I came home to tell Mr. JCrew about Wayne passing. He remembered me telling him of the man in the halls that reminded me of dad and I couldn't look at him without crying. I went to work Thursday feeling okay. Everyone at work went to the memorial service on Thursday. I looked down at my shirt to realize I was wearing the same shirt I wore to my dad's memorial service. Coincidence?

When I left work Thursday evening, I caught a glimpse of something. When I actually turned to look, it was a wreath of flowers hanging on the handicap sign where Wayne parked his white truck. I cried again.

Here I am crying over a man I barely knew, yet he was someone special. He reminded me of Dad.

Dad, 

You and Wayne take care of each other! I know you are both healed and enjoying a much better life in Heaven. I can't wait to see you again.

Liz

How I Learned to Be A Friend

Wow. This last month, I have had an outpouring of love shown to me. I have learned how to be a friend from my friends.

First, I would like to apologize to anyone that has lost a loved one before. I don’t think I was the best of friends to you. I can’t remember what I said or did. That means, I probably wasn’t the best.

I’ve learned what to say and what not to say. It pained me when people were sad for me. I’d cry because they were crying!

Losing a loved one is hard. In the weeks leading up to Dad’s death, I had friends sending me notes in the mail. I love snail mail! They were just thinking of me. I had texts and phone calls.

When the day came, it was very sad. It hadn’t hit me yet. I went about doing my normal routine. I spent the next day getting ready for Dad’s memorial service.

I invited my friends to come to Dad’s memorial service. I didn’t expect the numbers to show up like they did.  It was a great feeling to have support there.

1.      Attend the Memorial Service

In the weeks after, I received numerous cards in the mail. That’s one thing I will remember to do. Just the thought of knowing people were praying for my strength, was comforting.

      2.      Mail a Card

One friend sent little notes every few days. I loved them. Her son drew me a picture to make his mommy’s friend feel better.

In the most recent note, she sent a whole bunch of silly jokes. I shared them with my mom. She laughed and cried at the thoughtfulness. Mom shared with me that when my brother died, she would watch comedy shows late at night to help her.

       3.       Tell Funny Jokes

It may feel silly to tell jokes, but people that are grieving need a break from their tears. My sisters were good at cracking jokes at the house. We needed to laugh.

Some friends offered to bring meals. None were planned, and all were appreciated. I usually make big lunches for Mr. JCrew and myself to take to work with us during the week. For two weeks after Dad’s death, I didn’t cook a thing. I didn’t feel like it. I just gave him money and he had no problem going out to eat for lunch. I packed random snacks that amounted to little of nothing to take to work. Having meals for dinner prepared, ensured we got something good in us.

      4.       Bring a Meal

It has amazed me how many people are still checking in. My Dad’s best friend here in town called my mom everyday in the weeks leading up to my dad’s death and the week after. He has been amazing. My mom  has a special friend back home in Florida that always writes a card for anniversaries of deaths and birthdays of the family members that are gone. She has never missed a year. And with Dad’s birthday so close to his death, she sent my mom a message on Dad’s birthday to say she was thinking of her. I still get occasional “checking in” messages that I appreciate. The good days are outnumbering the bad days. And I’m happy I can report that. I want to always remember to check in with my friends days/weeks/months after a tragic event. The pain doesn’t go away, and they will always find comfort in a phone call.

     5.      Check In Frequently (Don’t forget about them)

     6.      Remember Dates (birthday’s / death)

The best things were random acts of kindness. My best friend and neighbor brought delicious treats over. Her daughter and mom had a baking weekend, and they brought us over some of their creations on Monday. Then the day that my dad died, I had warm muffins waiting on my doorstep when I got home at 6AM. I brought those back over to my mom’s house for my sisters and mom to enjoy. It was little things like that that made me feel so loved and cared for.

      7.       Make and Deliver Unannounced Treats


It’s hard to tell when someone is ready to get back out into the world after a tragic event. It almost felt wrong to be happy, but I needed to be for my boys. They were definitely feeling stressed from everyone around them being sad. I’ve continually invited my mom to outings and she declines and accepts as she can. She knows what she can handle. A little trip to the bird store, and little breakfast at a restaurant, anything to get her out of the house and get her mind in a different place is a good thing. Two precious friends gave us gift cards to go out to get our nails done, so we did!

      8.      Send Invitations to Get Out of the House

Another thing I have really appreciated, is the memories people tell me. My dad was a giving man and helped many people. My dad was also social and talked to everyone. It has been so uplifting to hear the impact he had on people’s lives with just little gestures. My old neighbor from back home, told me of his memory of my dad. How my dad would see him working on his truck and my dad would come over and help. My neighbor said he was a punk kid back then and didn’t deserve my dad’s kindness, but that was Dad! Another childhood friend, told me how my dad (and Mom) helped her parents a long time ago, and ever since then, she has loved my parents and been so thankful for them. It’s touching stories and memories that I love to hear. Knowing my dad was loved by other people than just me, is so comforting.

      9.      Share Your Memories

One last thing that has helped me be strong is to be told how strong I am. I want to be strong, but when I’m sad, I don’t feel it. I felt like I was breaking down and crying all the time. And I was. I told Mr. JCrew how I thought I was strong, but I couldn't keep it together. He told me it was okay to cry. I was normal. I was still a strong person, and strong people can cry. I had a friend tell me how amazed she was at how strong I was. She heard how sad I was in our conversations, yet she told me I was strong… so I believed her. It gave me a boost. I needed to be strong for my mom. I needed to be ready to be there for her.

      10.       Tell Them How Strong They Are

I have learned so much on how to be a friend. I cannot say, “Thank you” enough to all my special friends. I have been amazed at the outpouring of love shown to me and my family. In a time of such grief, we are thankful. Thankful for the time we have and the people we have by our side. Grieving is not an easy process, but the healing takes place with such wonderful friends.

Now I want to pay attention to those around me. They may not be grieving a death, but whatever they are sad about, I want to be the type of friend that I have. I want to make someone’s heart feel warm. I want to be the bright spot in their day. 

LOVE

I grew up in a Christian home. I went to church Sunday morning and night, sang in the choir, played handbells, played in the orchestra, went to Wednesday night supper, participated in Sunday School and youth group. My life was about God; I believed in Him.

My personality was not one that questioned facts. I accepted the Truth and it made sense to me. I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior when I was seven. This age had meaning to me and I was so excited to be leading my life with Jesus by my side. During the last 24 years I have lived as a Christian, I have had many “hot-flashes.” Those are what I call the moments when you are on fire and in love with the Lord and you want to share it with everyone! Every sinner goes through their cycles of messing up. But then we repent and ask for forgiveness and we shout from the mountain tops how awesome our God is! He forgives us and welcomes us back each time we have strayed away from Him.

The time in between the hot-flashes are when I have been a lukewarm Christian. I always loved people and knew the truth, but I was never a disciple. I didn’t want to offend anyone with my beliefs. I didn’t want to make them or myself uncomfortable. They knew I was Christian and I knew they were not, but I never shared with them why I love Jesus. Lukewarm people rarely share their faith with their neighbors, coworkers, or friends. They do not want to be rejected.

Now I am experiencing the biggest “hot-flash” I have ever had! I don't want to call it a hot-flash because I don't want it to end. I can honestly say I have put God-first in my life and I have never been happier. I want everyone to experience this PEACE. I am not afraid of rejection. That is something that has always held me back. We are not here for ourselves. What an awful world that would be. A world where we live this “alright life” then you die and that’s the end. But there is more, so much more! -- A kingdom with our Creator that LOVES you so dearly. I choose to live the life He has called me to, because it is far better than life without Him.

  ---------------------------------------

Love is a hot topic now-a-days. The sermon this past week was all about love. We need to love our God and our neighbors. We need to love the sinners. It is meant for you to love God more than your spouse and more than your parents. It is in that order. I admit, my heart kind of hurt when Mr. JCrew always said he loved God more than me… but now I understand. (He didn’t say it to my face in a mean way, but just a list in the order of who he loved.) Loving God more than anyone, gives you the ability to love everyone; even the ones that are tough to love.

In today’s world, everyone wants everyone to love each other. Non-Christians want Christians to love them without pointing the finger at their sins. I’m concerned that our modern America idea of God’s love is very different than what is portrayed in the Bible. Love? Yes, absolutely. Compromise the Truth? Never. Jesus dying on the cross means nothing if we water down the definition of sin. It’s the ugliness of sin that we repent from. There are times that people speak the truth in a not so loving way; I don’t condone them. Jesus said we will be hated, just like He was. He died for me and while I love the sinner (before Christ I was one) I’ll never love the sinner more than I love Jesus. He never asked me to.

  

Jesus is a lover but he never stepped away from the Truth to love someone. He would not deny the commands of our Father or sugar coat them in any way. He called people out on their sins. He loved them and wanted them to change.

No matter what your sin is, all sins are equal. It is a black and white topic. Lying to someone is just as bad as murder. Sounds harsh, but the Gospel is offensive. Not one of us should judge another human being for what he or she chooses to do or not to do in this life. We all fall short of God’s Glory, hence forth why His only begotten son, Jesus Christ, came to save us. We are called above all commands to Love one another. There are times when people will be offended by what someone says when they reference God’s Word. There are times when I read and study God’s Word and I am offended, and this is because we all fall short of His Glory. The problem today is this: there are more folks who want the watered down, feel good teaching of Joel Osteen because he just doesn’t want to offend anyone. The word of God on the other hand convicts/offends EVERYONE of us in our hearts for our daily sins and choices that each of us make, but by HIS Grace through His son, Jesus Christ, we can ask and receive His forgiveness. None of us should ever verbally attack another person because of their choices that don’t appear to line up with God’s word, simply because, we all make choices everyday that don’t line up with God’s word. We’re all imperfect, but it also doesn’t mean that it is okay for the sake of humanity to water down God’s word to make everyone feel good, as well.

  ---------------------------------------

How do I disciple if I don’t speak of God’s word? If I say that I feel homosexuality is a sin, I am not loving? Love without the truth (Jesus loved but ALWAYS spoke the truth) is not the Gospel. It is just love. Truth without love is just truth. Again, not the gospel of Jesus. How do we as a society have our cake and eat it too?

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”

“But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

-          John 8:3-11

I don’t read that as Jesus letting the woman go away thinking that her life was the way He planned it for her. He loved on her and then he used the opportunity to speak truth into her life. He told her to leave her life of sin. Are we wrong to speak the truth especially when asked? Because all I see of disciples are truth speakers willing to be beheaded and imprisoned rather than stay silent or veer from the truth. And they rarely engaged people for a length of time before sharing the Truth. It was their job.

I want to be a disciple! Sin is our enemy; not people. We cannot judge or condemn people, but we are to offer Grace to the broken sinner. Christians should never be afraid to expose the wound of any soul. Because we do so out of LOVE. Should we love people straight to hell? We do if we don’t deliver the Truth. It’s uncomfortable. It is. But since when are we called to be comfortable?

We are able to offer Grace because we are sinners ourselves! God gives us the power to forgive when we think it is impossible. When we forgive, we want to show the broken how awesome life is when you put Jesus first! Something comes over you that you cannot explain. It is a wonderful PEACE.

  ---------------------------------------

We are not going to hell if we acknowledge our sins and repent of them. And if you are seeking God with your whole heart and asking for forgiveness, you will want to quit that sin and ask Him to help take away your desires for it. If we repent and continue to sin, we are not actually sorry we are hurting God, we are just scared of going to hell and living a lukewarm life.

I don’t want anyone to suffer, and I know not everyone is going to come to know the Lord. He says the path is narrow and few will find it. But I do want to try, for others' sakes, and to do what I was put on this earth for.

“Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in Heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my father in Heaven.” Matthew 10:32-33

“Whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did.” – 1 John 2:6

That verse above, from 1 John, causes an uproar. Those that have not repented of their sins do not see us as being Christ-like when we point out the sin. They see us as not showing them love. We are pointing out their faults. I hate when my faults are pointed out to me. Mr. JCrew tells me I’m a neat-freak and I should spend more time with the kids and less time at work. Those are some of my many faults! I do want things picked up and tidy before I leave the house. And I do spend less time with the kids because I am at work or doing chores. It was hurtful to realize there may be truth behind his claims. I didn’t want to be equated as being a bad mom! So, I changed. I don’t tidy up the house. I only work my 40-hours a week. I make sure I engage with the kids every second I am with them. And guess what? I appreciated Mr. JCrew pointing out my faults. I am now enjoying the little moments with my children and they aren’t the only ones benefiting.

 ---------------------------------------

The lukewarm Christians and non-believers want us to care about this suffering world more than we care about our Christian rights. I have not picked one thing to narrow down on nor am I ignoring the suffering world. I am out there making sure there is fresh water to drink, education and opportunities to hear about God. But you can’t re-direct my attention so that I forget about you. I can help third-world countries and help my brother/sister at the same time.

Loving as Christ loved is not what people think of as “love.” The world wants us to love them as they are. We do. You are uniquely made! But Jesus didn’t just love the sinner. He loved them and wanted them to change.

This is the beginning of my journey as a disciple. I’m not going to go around pointing out every body’s sins. Don’t worry. I have plenty of my own and Mr. JCrew and I are good at keeping after each other. But I am not going to accept a sin that I know is not the Truth. I cannot. It is my goal to continue to love you. Even if you have said hurtful things. God gave me the strength to forgive you. I love you and want what is best for you. You are loved beyond what you can imagine!

Marriage is...

I found this chart to be VERY good and wanted to share.

There are lies about marriage coming from media, music, news, billboards, social media, and unfortunately from some of our well-meaning friends.

I hope this helps put things into perspective. I loved it! I will always look to this to remind myself.